The Accessible Family Circus

Your fat is warm enough for you. Clothing is just a bonus.

Dad is reminded that he needs to pick up his Viagra refill for Friday night's key party.

I'm not sure why an Olympic Medal Ceremony forces Billy into an obvious Boner Stance, but it's not an appropriate response.

Yeah, metal things sticking out of the top of your sled are a winning idea. Complete scrotal obliteration in 5, 4, 3....

Jeffy's self image is strangely accurate today.

You didn't brush your teeth. I still smell hobo balls.

There are 2 possible "jokes" here, and I'm not sure which one was intended.

1. Billy is not actually "in bed with a cold", because he's standing up at the window talking to his squatty compadres. The joke lies in the obvious mistruth being spoken. Nevertheless, this would still be a perfectly acceptable explanation because his bed does appear unkempt and only a jackass would take that to mean that he is literally in bed at that exact instant. Most of us have the ability to arrive at the reasonable conclusion that Billy just got out of bed to relay this riveting tale of illness, at which point he will return to bed. Funny Rating: 1 of 10.

2. The window sill appears to be pretty flush to the side of the house, and the raised window appears to be pretty close to the outer edge of the sill. Judging from the large amount of snow accumulated on the window sill, are we to infer that Billy's window has been open for a long period of time? Perhaps a week or more? Thus, he is responsible for his own cold, although part of the blame should surely be set on the parents. Since Hot Mom does no wrong, I blame Stupid Dad. Funny Rating: 1 of 10.

There is, of course, a 3rd (non-joke) option:

3. Billy is actually sick, by no fault of his own, and is relaying this accurate message to some friends. This is a statement, and no joke is intended. This would signify a huge breakthrough for Bil, who finally stopped pretending to act like he cares about trying to be funny. Funny Rating: 0 of 10. Reality Rating: 10 of 10.

Most Bil Keane comics require you to pretend that the kids are stupid curious aliens who just crashed on our planet.

12 years, 1 spring break, and 3 burning sensations later, Dolly will look back on this as the best medical test ever.